You know you have been following Tori too long when...
Updated February 18, 1999
EWF Phyllis Spiece posted to a mailing list a series of statements that finish the sentence, "You know you have been following Tori too long when..." Many people who followed Tori on the Plugged '98 tour will relate to these! Please feel free to add to this list if you have anything to add :). I really enjoy reading these things! Thanks to all who have sent in entries so far.
You can find the latest additions at the bottom of the page.
You know you have been following Tori too long when...
From Phyllis Spiece:
- you've got so many numbers on your hand you can't read which one it is today
- you are excited to see the time is 6:58
- you form a fan club for her body guard
- you ask the manager at Wal*Mart if they have any Tori barbie dolls
- you can give directions to any venue in the country
- $2 is enough to get you through an entire weekend
- a loaf of bread becomes your favorite all-purpose meal
- you know the entire setlist of "The Unbelievable Truth" and are singing along to every word
- you purchase The Unbelievable Truth's album because of a subliminal message ("We're The Unbelievable Truth, our album is out now, buy it.")
- you have MAD SKEELZ
- "bitch" becomes your last name
- Mr. Puppethead becomes a celebrity
- Ticketbastard knows you on a first name basis
- every charge on your credit card (which has hit it's limit) is tori related
- the fact you don't have tickets doesnt stop you from waiting 12 hours outside the venue
- you love Toni Omos and his hit single "Spank"
- you can sing the Waffle House jingle
- you are able to give the "Magic Sharpie" speech at Meet and Greets
From Jeremy R.:
-you travel to another state, stay overnight at a college just to get tori tickets, and then travel back down the next day so you won't miss your 8:00 am class. (for college students..=D)
-when you sell your college textbooks back for money so you can tori "one more time." (another college student thing ;o) )
-you know how many glasses of wine caton drinks during a show
-you can predict the first song (haha)
-you can even predict the last song for the main setlist (ok..corny!)
-you can recite steve's "meet and greet" speech
-you suddenly have a desire to buy disposable cameras
- Steve remembers you.
- While grocery shopping, you point out to fellow shoppers the brand of water Tori drinks, The Unbelievable drinks, and the brand Steve passes out during General Admission shows.
- You come to the conclusion the only proper way to listen to Pandora's Aquarium is when it is accompanied by 4 or 5 disco balls.
- Decide sparkly aprons should be an essential part of your wardrobe (after all, they do look quite fabulous with everything).
- Find yourself saying things like "Hey, Jon wore that shirt at the (city name here) show" or "Caton is drinking white wine tonight, wasn't he drinking red at the last show?"
- You become an expert at waiting.
- The absence of Matt's deely-boppers is a major issue of discussion, Raspberry Swirl just isn't the same without them.
- You realize how good you are at making yourself think how warm 30 degrees is when you're waiting outiside for 9 hours for General Admission seats.
- You start painting your nails like Caton's.
- Standing up against some big sweaty general admission ticket holders for three hours really isn't that bad, despite the funky smell.
- You begin to strategize about what B-side Tori will play at the show, as a result of her stats from previous shows (OK, if she played Cooling last night, then, maybe she'll play Never Seen Blue).
- You don't feel the need to bootleg all the concerts, 'cause being there is just awesome in itself.
- You meet a toriphile and his daughter who is named (what else, but) Tori.
- You respect the sharpie pen number designation and line outside the arena doors.
From Becky: the little raisongal:
- Even though the awful town of Newark New Jersey closes the parking garage before you get your car out, and you have to sleep on the floor of the police station/information booth till 5 in the morning on THANKSGIVING morning...it is all ok because you got to see Tori (plus the jerks charged us for Thanksgiving day even though we couldn't get the car out THEN because it was closed for the hoildays! Ugh).
- You spell out Tori songs with Play-Dough (tm).
- You leave school at 3 in the afternoon to see Tori that night at a place four hours away and drive home for classes the next morning.
- You get up at 5 in the morning so you can be the first people in line for general admission seating.
- You see the sun rise while waiting, and even sit through the early morning flurrys.
- You don't punch the girl in your French class who only knew one Tori song and STILL managed to push her way to the first row in G/A seating....subsequentially pushing you out of the way (but I believe in peace bitch)
- You manage to tie everything anyone says into a Tori lyric
- Your friends just kind of look at you in the morning and say, "Ok, where were you last night? What town was the show in this time?"
- You become PSYCHO obsessive with your website and refuse to sleep because you NEED to get pictures scanned in and your page updated
- when you inform your new bf that on the odd chance that tori just might phone you, you will be more than willing to interrupt sex to take the call.
- when you know you are deeply in love with said bf when he says you ought to take the call if she were to call.
- you tell friends and family again and again the life advice tori's bodyguard gave you at one of the shows.
- you can describe in detail the expression tori wore as she looked right into your eyes while she sang on stage.
- when you have to tell your bf that you love him more than just because he understands the "tori thing".
- you still have the bottle of evian that tori gave you in the fridge with a note on it warning anyone from daring to drink it.
- you plan to frame your setlist(s).
- you spent big money calling everyone you knew to tell them that you saw tori/talked to tori/tori looked at you/you got a picture of tori/etc.
- you have a list of email addresses of fellow tori fans that you just had to talk to before the show because you were so excited.
- you have a section in your closet/dresser devoted to all of your tori amos concert tshirts and you tell stories connected to each tshirt.
From Kelly Stitzel:
-when you keep track of every set list and have a special disk for them for your computer. Then, when a leg of the tour is finished, you go back and tally up how many times she played each song (complete with percentages) and when the song debuted.
-when you make mix tapes of Tori songs to play in your car, you only put songs on the tape that she has played at that point in the tour and every one starts with Precious Things, has two or three 'secret time' songs and has The Waitress as either the 12th, 13th, or 14th song.
-when you go shopping with your friends and go to the record store, you immediately begin looking for everything Tori, and then realize it's pointless because you own every Tori item they have. Then, your friends look at you as if to say, "Get some help."
-when you have a special file on your computer that is called InvenTori and has a detailed list of every Tori item you own, with categories like, 'CDs, Cassettes, Bootlegs, Interview CDs, Vinyl, Videos, Magazines/Newspapers, Miscellaneous, T.V. Appearances.'
-when your lips get dry, you feel the need to tell everyone "I need a Lip Gloss Boost." This is especially disturbing if you are male.
-when the Tori keychain your friend got you for Christmas is the best present in the world.
-when your entire Christmas card list consists only of people you have met at the multitude of Tori shows you've been to.
-when Tori somehow creeps into every conversation you have.
-when you see another act's tour itinerary, you say "Tori played there August 8, 1998 and the set list was. . ."
-when you go shoe shopping and see a pair you think Tori would like and tell someone "Tori would love these shoes." Again, you'll recieve the "Get some help" look.
-when your car gets nicknamed 'The Torimobile' because of the Tori stickers that grace it's back window.
- when you sit up at 1:45 in the morning thinking of ways you know you've been following Tori for too long.
From Joe Punicki:
-You've hugged her so much that you occasionally have to pull pieces of her hair from your clothing.
-People pass you on the way into the venue because you can't find the ticket for tonight's show in the mass pile of ticket stubs from every other show this year.
-The only car that has ever been in front of you, when driving from show to show, was Tori's tour bus.
-Your voice or scream can be heard on each and every bootleg from this tour.
-A highlight of you as a fan is included on next year's DVD (should there be one, please god)
-You start swapping clothes with Tori, the band, and crew, just so you all have something new to wear (new to you). And at that night's performance you find yourself in a silver sequin apron and black slacks, while Tori performs in a torn, coffee stained turtle neck and a pair of sweat pants (note to self; I would never wear either of these).
From Kristov Jensen:
- When you put up with tedious bollocks like which door security wants you to go through (the last time I saw her, they kept changing their minds...)
- When you get all warm, dizzy and fuzzy inside at the mere mentioning of Tori Amos.
- When you call your gf every five minutes to make sure she remembers that Tori will be on TV today. You know how to record with the VCR, right?
- When you scheme against your gf to get a giant wall poster of "from the choirgirl hotel" that she has and refuses to hand over. I will have that poster!!!
From Alaric Smith:
- you consider 600 miles a "short little drive".
- you wear a Raspberry Swirl Girl necklace despite the fact that you're male.
- you teach your Furby to say "I believe in peace, bitch!"
- you teach yourself to play Take To the Sky on the harmonica.
- you tell everyone you even remotely know about how Tori played Famous Blue Raincoat for you.
- you've heard Here, in My Head three times on the tour.
- you know all the words to Song for Mark.
- Tori writes a foreword for your book (hi Jason!).
- you've ever argued with someone over whether a harpsichord is a viable rock instrument.
- you have a signed, framed, ticket stub.
- you can imitate Caton's signature.
- you keep a blacklist of people who've pushed in front of you at meet-and-greets.
- Tori has signed your forehead.
- you actually know where god-forsaken places like Ames, IA, Indiana, PA, and Mt. Pleasant, MI are located.
- you've ever given serious consideration to applying for a job as a roadie for Tori's next tour.
- you go to see Live because Joel's their bodyguard, too.
- you've had Vernors, and you're not from Michigan.
- you've had Frozen Run, and you're not from Pennsylvania.
- camping out on the streets of Detroit sounds like a wonderful way to spend a chilly March evening.
- you make up "fantasy setlists".
- you know what the record is for the most shows anyone's gone to this year, and who holds it.
- you've played Tori-Monopoly.
- you would buy any Tori merchandise that came out, including Tori Amos Deer Bait, and the Tori Amos Home Pregnancy Test, were there such things.
- you've had heated debates over the true meaning of Space Dog.
- you _really_ miss the bubbles.
- you make up a list of "future tour dates" when the tour ends, and write reviews of them.
- you have a cat named Easter.
- you've ever wanted to disguise yourself as Mark Hawley for the express purpose of playing with the soundboards.
- you talk to inanimate objects, and consider your car to be one of your best friends.
- you've considered organising a Tori for President campaign.
- you root for the Baltimore Ravens because that's Tori's hometown.
- you consider doing your term paper on proving the existence of Faeries and Unicorns.
- you've ever held a race between a turtle and a grapefruit.
- your idea of hell is the East Lansing meet-and-greet.
- you wish Atlantic Records would release Aerosmith and Brandy from their contracts so that Tori would be their #1 seller.
-when your co-workers look at you and say "so what show did you see this weekend?"
-when at work you check out the topics on magazine covers to check out if they could possibly feature Tori. Then, when it works, you happily show fellow co- workers and they raise an eyebrow and say "obssessed?"
-everyone you work with can recite your numerous Tori stories, and when shown pictures can also identify Joel, Steve, Caton, ect.
-when you're late for work/school and you get in your car only to realize the Tori tape you made with the song you want to hear on it is at home, so you do a U-turn and speed back to your house
-when you drive to school at 7 a.m. to pick up your friend so you they can accompany you to your Tori ticket purchase.
-when someone absently gives you a state name in refernece of something and you say "oh Tori played there at the (venue name) during the (Plugged/DDI/UTP/LE) tour on (month/day/year)."
-when you begin making plans and saving money for the next tour and decide who you're going to take with you.
-when you can spot Beene at a concert
-when you can play the chord progressions to "You Go To My Head"
-when you cry listening to Cool on Your Island
-when you know where the velvets are
-when you can identify the more popular name of Ode to the Banana King, Part 2
-when you can count the time signatures of spark upon repeated listenings
- when every member of your family calls you to remind you to tape Rosie O'Donnell.
From Peter Ton:
- you believe tori spelling should change her name out of pure human decency
-you can list each night that she wore Pradas.
-going to pee in public bathrooms no longer grosses you out.
-Mr. Puppethead becomes your idol.
-McDonalds is a gourmet delight.
-you begin to paint your toenails with hologram glitter.
-suddenly, being outside in freezing weather doesn't make you cold anymore.
From SisterErnestine AKA-Carol:
- you and your friend Peter, play the game "spot Kenny from South Park"
- Joel and Caton know you by name.
- you can count the times she wore aprons
- your idea of hell is the space between the opening act( the devlins) and Tori
- you have included the dance from Raspberry Swirl in to your workout (the audience dancing I mean)
- you can tell what wine Caton is drinking
- you've spotted girls with fairy wings in a least ten states.
- You have a cat named easter.
- when you check the Dent for Tori news more than 5 times a day!
From Danielle Risley:
- When you paint your ceiling pink so you can be "under the pink"
- When you name your rabbits Tori, Talula, Mary, Butterfly, and Muhammed.
- When you have a cat named Easter
- When you named your fish Merman
- When you named your dog Joel ( i have a lot of pets...)
- When you go on a vacation and immediatley go to every music store to look for Tori items
- When you cover every inch of your doors with Tori pic's
- When all your friends remind you to tape Rosie O' Donnell
- When your bf checks the Dent for you when you go away
- When you have a copy of each album on cd, tape, and record
- When you get up at 2:00 am to get Tori tix. and bribe your dad to drive you there (and are #22 in line...)
- When you wait 10 hours at a meet & greet in august in 100 degree weather
- When Tori says "hi" to you and you tell everyone you know
From timmy and a purple monkey:
- in dallas, tx your brain automatically changes the "black-dove" text to 'i have to get to michigan'
- you've got nine inch nails
- you can't remember your real name, but only your tori-name ( timmy and a purple monkey, icicle,...)
- you get arrested in a steakhouse because you couldn't resist singing "the waitress" and knives in steakhouses are sharp
- your dog is called 'space dog', your fish 'pandorra', you painted your monkey (for those,who have monkeys) purple, glued a frog on your toe, and buried your kitten in cement
- you start to look such a lot like the goddess, that whenever you arrive at a venue, people ask you to play 'here.in my head' (everybody's favorite bee; and i dont have it :(() later in the show and to sign their utp-booklet.
- you dress up as mr. puppethead hoping tori would take you with her into the tour bus
- you texted all your xmas cards with christmas in space and a pretty good year; and you can make the whole family sing 'christmas' in space under the xmas-tree
- traveling to a tori show requires a passport .
- other tori fans ask for your autograph.
- the devlins ask you for directions to the venue (seattle..hehe)
--you will buy a $3.00 simply because tori's name is mentioned in the crossword puzzle---
---you will buy a magazine with an article about tool or nin just to be able to look at them and think "they're friends with tori"--
---you can predict her breaths when shes playing live---
----you'll wait hours in the cold just to see mark---
----you actually love those damn techno remixes (hey, theyre dancey!)---
----you just have to find out where to buy a green or red sparkly apron---
----you can sing every devlins/unbelievable truth song, even though you really don't like them---
----every conversation is connected back to tori---
----you consider naming your daughter tori beene---
-----you will drop anything to argue about whether the european or american version of the cornflake girl video is better---
-----you actually enjoy getting up at four in the morning to get to a venue and wait online from six till seven at night to get g/a tickets---
-----you will drink at a crappy bar/stay at a crappy motel simply because its called the *dew dropp inn*----
------youve spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars so you could bring tori different bouquets every night---
-----you can predict what shoes she will wear-----
----your idea of a perfect night with your boyfriend is seeing if you can watch the le video, the complete music videos, live from ny, and a video of all of toris tv appearances together in one sitting---
---you have seafood, strawberry marguerita and green apple ice cream parties---
----you with YOU had a fat italian cook---
- You HAVE to stop in every music store you see hoping they'll have some cool Tori import that you don't have.
- You have "Tori's place" on the music shelf memorized at the music store.
- You try numerous times to dye your hair red because Tori has red hair, and "Gosh darnit Mom! Her hair was the same color as mine when she was this age, why can't I?!"
- People you don't even know walk up to you in the hallway at school and hand you Tori news clippings, etc...just because they know you worship her.
- You spend hours while you're at work trying to track down a guy your best friend met at the Spice Girl's concert because Tori stopped into the restaurant where he works and talked to him-even gave him free tickets. And you want to hear all about the amazing Tori experience, detail by detail.
- You meet someone at school or somewhere who has the same love for Tori. You begin to talk about her around people who don't know her, the conversation becomes so excited and lively people stare at you and give you that "Get help" look.
- You see little shoe books at the store and think, "Tori would really like this."
- You play Tori songs on the piano like a mad woman, straddling the piano bench and all, pouring out the songs.
- When you watch anything or see anything, or hear anything Tori, your whole body just floats and you know you could just die there.
- You drive up to Columbus to see Tori, again, and make it back in time to get 3 hours sleep before school the next day.
- You can quote Tori in anything anyone says.
- You talk about Tori like she's your best friend, and you've known her for years
- People make "tori comments' in your yearbook, even if they have no clue who she is.
- You talk about Tori so much in homeroom to a fellow toriphile that some unknowing kid asks, "Does she go to our school?"
- You have downloaded every Tori sound and put them on your computer for shut-down, AOL welcomes and goodbyes, etc...
- You have turned every boyfriend on to Tori..and are currently working on this one....he he he
- When your good friend gives you your Christmas present and forwards it with the sentence, "You're soooo easy to shop for" you KNOW it's something Tori.
- When you go into the piano stores and just sit down and play, while your mom shops--and the people give you funny looks when you go into Jackie's Strength because you start to sing.
- When your friend Karl calls you up to ask you for Tori Song piano lessons...
- When you find an incredible Faerie book at the store and you have to have it because you'd be stupid not to.
- You quote tori constantly from interviews, etc.
- You find yourself talking like tori...tori phrases...
- You take Photography assignments and turn them into Tori Assignments, by "kidnapping" your friend and tying and blindfolding her, and then making her trudge through the woods and a medium size river (the little miami) because they'd make the coolest "spark" shots.
- You hear nothing but tori from the darkroom when you're working there late afterschool.
-when you just can't decide whether to dye your hair fire engine red or burnt autumn sunrise
-tori lyrics creep into your everyday conversation and you don't even realize it ("I don't understand how she can love that guy - his cake just isn't done. Oh well, she's gone to the other side any way. Other than that, it's been a pretty good year.")
-you already know that your firstborn child will be named Tori (regardless of gender)
-you sometimes find yourself straddling your desk chair while playing the hell out of your keyboard
From Lori M. Dean:
....your car gets broken into because you forgot to put the overnight bag in the trunk while waiting 12 hours to buy tix to a g.a. show (ja, i was one of those idiots waiting since 10 pm the night before) and having every personal belonging you can imagine strewn all over lincoln park (or whatever the hell the name of the park was! - in chicago)...
...you plan on going to so many shows that you actually go the wrong day (because you got it mixed up with another show's date), and you drive four hours getting there no less...
From christy thompson:
-you've actually made several sequined aprons and wore them to the shows that you attended on this tour and told your friends that you are glad that you are wearing your nice bra just in case tori see's your apron and wants to wear it.
-people that you haven't seen in months tell you that you look more and more like tori each time that they see you.(I think that the longer you follow tori the more like her you become he he)
-your mon gets you a mirrored disco ball for christmas and the very next day you go to a music store and get a motor and several spotlites and have your dad set the whole thing up in your bedroom. The first thing you do is put on raspberry swirl to get the full effect.(it is almost like being there...well not really but it is still cool)
-you've held a birthday party for tori and bought a cake and put the lyrics "balancing cake and bread" on the cake with icing and made your friends sing happy birthday.(this will bring about the you need help looks as mentioned)
-your day is scattered with tori related daydreams like the possibility that tori will mention your name on the Rosie show, or you will get a letter in the mail from tori saying that she just had to write to me because she thought that we would make really great friends.
-Your favorite game to play when you and your friends get together is "pick your favorite tori picture out of this book, ok now out of this book, and this one, and this one, ok now on to the posters, how about the album covers......)
-you have turned everyone of your closest friends on to tori except one and will not rest until she to succumbs to the power of tori.
-for christmas you made an angel to top your christmas tree and deco paged (sp?) tori's face onto a wooden bead and used red Ariel hair to make a tori angel.(when your friends see this they say, you have gone to far with this one)
- you are at the state college show and have waited all day in the frigid Pennsylvanian air because you have gen admission and during the rush some girls who didn't get there untill 5 push their way in front of you and normally it wouldn't be a problem but these girls were tall and i am only 5'3 and couldn't see the whole show and it really sucked cause i was in like the fourth row but couldn't see but the whole thing was worth it when tori smiled and winked at me during A Song for eric.(sorry i had to vent)
- reading the Dent makes you cry...
From TimmiLynn Johnson:
- Jon Oliva from Savatage looks at your shoes and says I like those, Keep those on and you think he rules because he practically qouted a Tori song
- Most of the people you work with only know who Tori is because you talk about her constantly
- A co-worker absoulutley refuses to call you anything but Tori
- You find out that some one in a band that you know likes Tori and you go on about her everytime you see him and even e-mail him with comments but never mention how you feel about his band.
- You have some sort of Radar that can pick up the words Tori Amos even from across the room.
- On your long ride home from the last Tori show you show your autograph to strangers on the bus.
- You cry every time you think about the first time you met her.
- Your mother watches Tori on Tv just because she knows you like her.
- You think that Dez from Coal Chamber is cool because he said that From the Choir Girl Hotel was one of his favorite albums of the year.
- You are mad at Blas Elias who you know likes Tori and was asked the same question in Metal Edge (5 fav albums of the year) but didn't say From The Choir Girl Hotel.
- You are personally offended when Mr. Wonderful ,man of your dreams, can do no wrong refers to her as woman music.
- You bought another Winter single because she signed your first one and it is in plastic hanging on your wall never to be touched again untill you move.
- People say things to you like " how many Tori shirt's do you have? or what are you listening to? oh never mind.
- You have two of the same Tori amos keychain incase one breaks.
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