Interview On Swedish TV - March 1996
Sent to me by Swedish Toriphile Christina Stalby .
TORI: Do you want me to describe...
SONJA: ...yourself!
T: Lots of garlic, with a really vanilla oaky buttery smooth Cardonnay, and
salsa. A really good salsa, and cornchips.
- a clip from the crucify video -
T: I had...I was kind of on my knees in the middle of it, just out of...not
beeing able to fulfil this emty space,(points at her stomach)
so...I did it with men. Some people do it with food, some people do it
with...oh loads of STUFF...and...
S: Do you mean changing men or picking the wrong men?
T: Oh all of it. You know, all of it. Very coverately of course. Sometimes.
Sometimes they smelled me out really quickly...(BIG smile)
Some of the men in my life, I just drag them by the balls! AND I let them drag
me, believe me, some of them have dragged me very well!
S: Whats the cruelest thing youve done to a man or a boy?
T: ...I made him doubt his ability...his ability to be a creative force. Cause
I knew I had that one up on him.
S: How did you get out of this thing with the men?
T: Well I had to hit bottom first. You know you have to go so low, sometimes.
And I fled to Hawaii, for a few days, to see a medicinewoman there. Uhm...and
we had a little chat of the walk of fire to womanhood.
- a clip from Crucify -
(Out walking in Kinsale)
S: Whats your relationship with the piano?
T: Shes my teacher. I access things through her. Shes my magic carpet. She
takes me to places, emotions that I need to get to, to understand. She takes me
there. We have an understanding.
S: The piano is a she?
T: Shes a she. Sometimes theyre dykes, but theyre definitely shes.
T: And I like the precision. Youll laugh your ass off probably, cause its
like Oh God, but...with the piano...you know, shes nine foot one. Shes not
whimpy on any level. Shes nine foot one, and to harnest this instrument, and
to make it play with the rythm and the power and the accuracy, you got to take
off those curves. Youve got to know how to take those curves at, I dont know,
200 miles an hour when its raining.
- Cornflake girl video -
(Back inside again)
S: Its hard to be human.
T: Its challenging, Its challenging to remember. I do believe, that if we can
imagine theres this library, that we have...its like a mythical library
imagine. And you cant get there by plane or train or anywhere else, but you
have to get there by sences. You have to allow yourself to go there ike in a
state. Almost like in a halluciogenous state, but...uhm...a drug wont get you
there. Its allowing youself to go within your molecular structure, and
remember what you really know. Remember what you really feel. Not what youve
been taught and programmed to feel, but what you really know. And you start
taking these blinders off and you go: "Wait a minute! Ive been numb. Ive
nimbed myself to certain feelings." And once you make that choice you cant
stop it.
- a clip from Pretty good year -
S: Ive read in an article that you were the victim once.
T: Thats kind of a long little chat, because you know...You find ways to
survive. You find ways to cover a wound. And you find ways to take on that
idea, remember: Survival of the fittest.
And you find ways to live in this very harsh world to not be hurt again.
Instead of opening yourself up, sometimes you close yourself so it wont hurt
you again. Instead of no no no no. Thats not the way to freedom. But you have
to sometimes close first to heal the wound, before youre ready to open again.
S: But has this made you like aggressive to men, or feel hatred?
T: Sure. Sometimes. I mean, ive had to see through, pass through... that...you
know its like the eye of the needle. You have to walk that firewalk. A lot of
times, the animal that bit you, you have to go and commune with that animal to
release the poison, to release that bite, to understand the infection that that
causes.
S: You never met the man that raped you?
T: No, I never met him again.
S: I have a friend thats been raped as well, and she says that the worst part
about it is that she feels so guilty: "Maybe I didnt say no strong enough.
Maybe I had something that invited him. Maybe its my own fault.
T: There are parts of me that question it like her, and in truth there were
parts of me that abused myself. And again, this will be hard for some people to
hear; Yes they crossed a boundary, yes they broke law, but there was an
opening, there was a space for those two energys to come together. You see I
attracted one of those energys. Just because when you feel like a victim on one
level, you attract attacers. We smell eachother out. Thats truth. Thats
energy. Thats physics.
- Past the mission video -
T: You know what? There is really something only experience gives you.
Theres really something about the lines, as they start to form, or the dents
or whatever. And you see all these young models, and theyre staying at the
same hotel as you are, and its like; Theres no way Im putting on my
bathing-suit, cause I have this dent in my leg or whatever. And its one thing
to be healthy, but its another to be obsessive about how it should look. I
mean Im not gonna look like a twenty-year-old looks, their body. But a
twenty-year-old hasnt gone around as many corners as I have either.
-clip from pretty good year-
T: Im very good at fading into the background.
S: Thats hard to believe!
T: ...uhm...noo..Ive been a wallflower all my life, so Im really comfortable
with becoming a wallflower. But when Im playing thats a different thing. When
I walk up to the piano, and it becomes about really bringing an energy in,
interpreting an energy, cause thats what I do, I tap into things. Thats a
different side of myself than when Im eating an egg at a party and observing.
-clip from pretty good year-
S: What would be the most perfect place or situation when to listen to your
music?
T: Well, this record is a little different that the others, because you know.
When a girl is taking that firewalk into womanhood, a bottle of red wine is
almost nessecary...(Laughing)
S: (Also lauhging) You keep coming back to that red wine!
T: But theres something about, you know theres a tie, theres an ancientness,
theres a ritual with the wine.
And I think it is like a long novel. This record is all segments, from top to
tail, everything about it, its the journey.
-clip from Caught a lite sneeze -
T: Each song has their own Mr Zebra, I mean shes got a really interesting pair
of gogo-boots. I just...they kind of come and visit me, and now theyre ready
to leave me. Im a little sad, but theyre ready to go now, and...
S: Is it like a relationship each time you make a record?
T: Its a love relationship, yeah.
END OF INTERVIEW
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