|
|
Reviews
The most recently added reviews are first.
From Ericka Johnson
September 17, 1998 - I don't profess to know everything there is to know about our Tori. I couldn't begin to compete. My fascination with her started several years
ago when I saw Silent All These Years on V-H1. I must have been
twelve-ish, but again, I am not one of the great chroniclers of all
things Tori. I am almost 20 now. The video was brand-new. You do the
math. Anyways, since that time, I have bought all of her standard
albums, but few of her singles/imports. Through my oh-so-peachy
adolescence, I have listened to Tori faithfully, choosing her music over
others in my collection and listing her as my all time favorite artist.
I have pictures of her hanging in my house. I am building a Tori Amos
links page on my web-site. Does this make me obsessed or merely a casual
fan? The answer is neither. I admire Tori and am moved by her music, and
yet, I want to keep my distance. I don't want to get to close to the
light of Tori, if you will, for fear of being blinded (apologies for all
bad metaphors, it is late). If I had to name the one thing I have taken
away from all my years of Tori appreciation, is that no matter what
happens in my life, the strength is in myself. I have had my share 'o
shit and yet I have lived through it all and I am strong, passionate,
and intelligent. I am a Goddess. Tori Amos is a Goddess. To view her as
an equal, and blast me to hell if you want, but, that is who Tori is to
me, a sister with all the love/hate that goes along with it, I can't get
to close. I can't wrap myself in her. I can't buy all of her posters,
t-shirts, albums, videos, books, etc. and I can't visit all the
web-sites dedicated to her and I can't read about all the little
mysteries that surround her and I can't go to every concert on her tour.
Which brings me to the point of all this discourse. I went to my first
Tori concert, on August 27 at the breathtaking Starlight theater in
KC-MO, escorted by my darling husband. My love is not the world's
biggest Tori fan; he doesn't pretend to be. He listens to her music in
my car, 'cause I become the tape-deck-dictator when I'm driving, and
every once in a while he voluntarily puts Little Earthquakes or Under
the Pink into the cd-player at home. No, my dearest hubby has never
grown to love Tori Amos. But, here's the thing. He enjoyed the concert
more than I did. Granted, I had a great time, and even choked up a bit
at the beginning. Tori was resplendent, the set was perfect, the
amphitheater was charming, and the crowd was, um, well, boisterous. But,
I got to close too the light. I was blinded (more obnoxious metaphors, I
apologize once more). Or maybe it wasn't close enough. Maybe, my
imagined relationship with Tori would be sitting at some bar or, better
yet, some cheap diner with her, talking about sex or something
embarrassing that happened to one or the other of us over a couple of
beers. At the concert, I felt as if I was trying to worship her. That's
not what she means to me. Yes, she is a Goddess, we've already
established that. But, I don't ever want to pray at the alter of Tori.
She's always been a friend of mine, in that love/hate, sisterly kind of
way. I don't want to lose or taint that relationship. The KC concert
might be the last Tori Amos concert I attend for awhile. Or, at least,
the last one that gives me a complex.
September 4, 1998 - She's My Cocaine
"I think that....you know, anything that becomes an addiction..anything
can be, when it becomes destructive, that's a problem when it's running you, when you're not running it."- Tori Amos
a chronic Tori-addict overdoses and comes face to face with her addiction
I had planned on writing this as just a simple review for the Kansas City August 28th Tori show, with smiles and fond memories. But, as most things go, it turned into something completely different that how I had imagined it to be.
I'll just start with the concert.
I was looking forward to this concert so much. You probably know how much, if you are as huge an Ears with Feet as I am. This was to be my first Tori concert. I was as big an Ears with Feet as Tori's ears herself.
I decided to bring my best friend to the concert with me. I knew people who listened to Tori; I even knew this one girl who went to a concert in Chicago July of this year (and I was insanely jealous). But she wasn't a "true" fan, she only had the 4 albums, and I have, like, 25 Tori CD's (singles, imports, interviews), the music books, 4 videos, books, pictures and posters and articles....and I had tons of other stuff I downloaded from the internet, plus emails from other Toriphiles - you name it. I was a Toriphile, in every sense of the word. (Notice, I'm only speaking past tense here, cause it's easier to explain the story that way.)
Two years ago, I did have the chance to see Tori on the Dew Drop Inn Tour, in Iowa (where I live). However, when I called back the guy with the tickets, they were already sold. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't go, because then I hardly knew anything about Tori. (At that time, I didn't even know she was on tour. ) I always have said "If I had gone then, I wouldn't have appreciated it." And maybe that is very true. But from what I experienced recently, I have come to doubt that.
So, this was the only chance I got to see Tori in concert, and meet her in person beforehand, too. It's very hard for me to even get to one concert, because
1) they cost a lot of money, and 2) I'm only 15, and wherever I want to go, I have to coax my mom into bringing me.
Oh boy, you've heard I'm 15. Here come the judgments and stereotypes against me. Before, I might have been offended by it, but from going to this concert, I completely understand how you feel. COMPLETELY. I hate those 15 year. old fans at the concerts, too. Believe me, I absolutely do.
I live in southeast Iowa, and Kansas City is about 4-6 hours away, I think. My friend and I took Friday off from school, and my mom drove us to Kansas City, leaving at 8:00 in the morning.
Like I said, this friend of mine didn't know anything about Tori; in the course of our friendship I had made her 2 mix tapes of sorts, and so the only songs she really knew were Mr. Zebra and the Smells Like Teen Spirit cover. I brought my All These Years book for her to look at in the car, to get more of an idea. We ended up just looking at the pictures together. I was preparing her for Tori by exposing her to it. I was preparing myself for seeing Tori by abstaining from it. Seriously. I promised myself that I wouldn't listen to Tori for a, well, it started out as a month, but I relapsed, of course, and then it diminished to a week. That was all I could manage. So for a week, I didn't listen to Tori, in hopes that when I went to the concert it would make it more special.
We got to the Starlight Theatre at about, 2:00 p.m. or something. None of us had a watch the entire trip. I wanted to meet Tori in person, and knew the whole procedure, from reading all of your stories on the Dent so many times. We walked around the theatre, and I didn't see any people. I KNEW there had to be people standing around, I knew I had to look for barricades. We walked around the theatre, looked over all the seats, and we could see the semi's with the equipment and people loading up. I could see her piano! I was really excited about that. We went to the bathroom, and realized that people could just sneak in and go to the concert unnoticed.
I was terribly afraid that she had already arrived. I highly doubted it, though. I asked some people that worked there walking around, but they were only janitors, and didn't know anything. I asked them when Tori Amos might arrive, and they said, "Who?"
So we got back in the car with my mom, drove around the Swope park parkinglot, and then saw this place, lots of cars, and it said "private entrance only" or something, and there were people behind the trees. My mom sat in the car, and my friend and I got out. I knew it, I knew these were the Ears with Feet.
We walked up the little hill, where the trees were, and they were laying on blankets, and a blonde girl was putting numbers on hands. I had read they were doing this now. Usually I am shy, but I was super friendly with these people, and showed them my earrings. They were little silver feet. Hence, I was åEars with Feet'. They thought that was great.
I met two girls all the way from New York, they'd been traveling to a lot of concerts, and at this one they didn't even have tickets yet. I can't remember their names, and I feel sort of bad about that.
The day before, and the morning of Friday, it was rainy and thundering and lightning...I kept saying it would be a beautiful day, and it was. Sunshining and hot, and nice. Blue skies.
I felt good about meeting these people. I felt I bonded with them. I'm sure this is comparable to how fellow drug addicts can bond with others of their kind.
However, never before had I actually met, actually SEEN a real obsessed fan like I was. Anyone else I actually had met who liked Tori, were only kind of into it, and that pissed the hell out of me. I hated half-assed fans. Cause I was a really good all the way Toriphile. My philosophy regarding liking Tori was "All the way or not at all." So I appreciated all these people for being all the way fans. And I appreciated my best friend for being "not at all".
It really pissed me off, the fake fans I knew back home and elsewhere. I hated them. They didn't really appreciate Tori. They didn't really understand her. If they did, they would automatically give up their own life, time, and money and put it all in Tori, like me and all the ones who really did understand and care.
I was really secretive about Tori. All of my pictures, articles, posters, were all in my drawers hidden away, and I'd only pull them out when I looked at them in private. If my friends came over, I'd never ever play them any Tori. I didn't want them to become fans.
I actually was upset when Tori was on the cover of Rolling Stone. I mean, of course I bought it, they were beautiful pictures. But I was afraid that it would make her more mainstream. I know that most good things are hidden, and I didn't want her to get more popular. I like her hidden.
Anyway, back in Kansas City... We waited around in the hot day, sweating. I talked to the other people, drank my water, etc. My friend drew in her sketchbook. She's an artist. I hope she didn't feel too much like an outsider, not being a Toriphile and all.
Everyone was standing around the barricades.
Tori's bus drove up. It was just there for a while; she didn't come out immediately. I actually wasn't that excited. My heart wasn't racing.
I stood there, clutching what I was to give to Tori, with my eyes closed, waiting. I hadn't opened my eyes yet, and all of a sudden there was this heavy moment. It was total silence, no one was screaming or crying, but I could feel the moment with my eyes closed. It felt like everything was falling. Like an earthquake or something. It was like a little earthquake. (I'm not just saying that as a pun, either.) It was a heightened moment, scary almost, like a disaster, and this one guy I had met from Louisiana who was standing by me, said ominously "Oh My God," and I opened my eyes, and at first saw only some very familiar Red Hair inbetween the people standing in front.
Oh, by the way, the numbers on your hands? They don't mean a thing. I should have gotten infront a long time ago, but for some reason I didn't. The kids kept telling me that there were hardly any people here this time, and she'd be able to see everyone. There were only about 30 people there.
But anyone reading this now, I repeat for your sake: THAT NUMBER ON YOUR HAND DON'T MEAN A FUCKING THING. Get in the front of the line early and stay there.
I was standing behind, maybe one row of people, and I could see her face. Tori's face. I couldn't believe that she was actually there. You have no idea. I seriously thought that I would be shaking or crying. Just from reading other people's review on the Dent of meeting her and all, I would literally start crying. I would get so excited just from seeing her on T.V. I've had dreams (actually dreams while I am asleep) of meeting her, of talking to her. She's meant so much to me. Her music, her voice, all the interviews of her. I understand every word she says, and take it so close to my heart. I don't know what I would have done without her music during the time of my life when I first discovered her. I absolutely love her. I pray for her every night. Every night. I thought constantly about that moment meeting her. And when she was actually there, less than 7 feet away from me?
I hardly had a reaction at all. (I still feel like this was a dream and it never happened.) Maybe it had something to do with my friend. Or the crowd. Or maybe it had something to do with it being too overwhelming, like I was in denial of it happening. I don't know.
I had this little thing to give to Tori. It was a light lavenderish pink plastic and ceramic Avon perfume bottle. It was in the shape of this beautiful little girl (the name of the bottle was Garden Girl) in a Spanish style dress, with her hair done up and holding flowers. It was my Favorite thing when I was little. It was what I had that I could physically hold on to that meant the most to me. And it was what I most wanted to give to Tori, cause she meant so much to me herself, and I thought she would like it.
I stood there clutching it in my pink little hands. I'm only about as tall as Tori herself. The blonde girl who was putting numbers on hands before was first. She was wearing a black strappy dress with black pants underneath. The girls who I had met before were infront of me, too. It was all like, for the ones in front, "Hi Tori, nice to see you again for the 20th time!!! Here, sign for me again my highpriced one of a kind import bootleg huge square foot LP! See you again tomorrow!!!" And I was there, never even seeing Tori before, and I didn't even want an autograph. I just wanted to meet her and give her my Avon figurine. I feel like I should have been crying then, but for some reason I wasn't even flinching.
But the best part, the best part of the entire trip to Kansas City, including the concert and everything, was this. . .
I was standing there, looking at Tori as she was talking to the people infront, and inbewteen them for a moment, I could see Tori straight on, and she was seeing me straight on (I don't even think I realized this was happening while it was happening), and I smiled so joyfully, and she gave me a really big smile at the same moment I did, and gave me a very intent look. She knew. She knew what was going on. And although I didn't get talk to her, or give her my gift, this was far better, because it happened like this for a purpose, as you shall soon see.
She finished talking to the people infront, and then walked back to the stage. Everyone, I'm not even sure if they actually said it, but you could feel them moaning, going "ohhhhhhh". The guy I met from Louisiana yelled at her he had a letter from her high school. Tori yelled to him, "Send it back!" He borrowed my friend's black pen to write on the letter how he had written the high school. I read it. It was kind of meaningless. All the letter from the high school said was "Yes, Torie is famous, she went to our school, however, we have nothing to tell you about her."
Nothing important. And they even spelled her name wrong.
We stood around for a while, cause people said that she'd come back. She's didn't.
While we were driving to Kansas City, my friend asked if I was going to give Tori something. I showed her what I would give to her. She thought she should give her something too, so she ripped out of her sketchbook the picture she had drawn with her coloured pencils, and wrote on the back "From" and then her name. It was a wonderful picture of this little cartoon: a beautiful guy's face with a mustache and all colourful. I thought it was great, and I knew that Tori would love it, too.
My friend ended up giving her little picture to Joel to give to Tori. He smiled when he looked at it. I thought Tori would appreciate it much better than the same typical things she gets from everyone else.
We were really disappointed that we didn't even get to meet her. Walking back, the girls I met heard I didn't get to, and were really sad. "You should have tapped us on the shoulder, we would have let you come up." If only. For some reason I didn't think of it. I don't even understand why I didn't even end up crying when my highest expectated dream was crushed.
Before I had planned on staying to overhear soundcheck, but we were so mad at those dumb girls who didn't move out of the way and had already met her like 20 times in a row anyway, that we didn't stay to listen. It was too upsetting to still be there. I could hear the band practicing what sounded like The Waitress, which was appropriate, considering how much my friend and I wanted to kill those bitches.
So we went with my mom in the car to go find a hotel.
It was a strange transition moment then, as we were taking showers and getting dressed. We had already seen her, but we hadn't gone to the concert yet. I was hardly nervous at all. I couldn't understand why. I would shake just when she was going to be on T.V. , but I was so calm when I would actually see her for real.
So, we went to sit with my friend while she ate (neither my mom, nor I was hungry), and then eventually we arrived at the Theatre.
Now I must say something. During this time I wasn't thinking about the concert or Tori at all. It was completely out of my mind. But now as I am going back through what happened, and writing this down 2 days later, I am experiencing all the emotions that were absent when everything was actually happening.
My mother dropped us off, we walked up, and they ripped our tickets and looked in my bag (and didn't search it very well, either, I might add).
My friend and I went directly to our seats. I had thought they were a LOT better that what they actually turned out to be. We were sitting in Plaza section 7A Row A seats 3 & 4.
Seeing all these other people was a bit upsetting. To me, always, I liked to think that there were few Tori fans, they were sensitive and understood the same things that Tori did. Everyone that I saw at this concert, everyone that I heard, except for a slim few, were horrible, obnoxious, stupid, retarded, all the typical bad fan stereotypes of idiot 15 year olds at Tori concerts. Eckkkkkkk. Some, like 3 girls I saw, were wearing fake Fairy wings. Notice I wrote "fairy", not "Faerie". They don't understand what Faerie is. They're in what Tori described as the Tinkerbell stigma, I believe.
We waited in our seats, and eventually the Delvins came out. Or was it the Devlins? I don't really care. They weren't good. No one was paying attention to them; every song they played I thought would be the last one. They reminded me of Bush, and I hate Bush...
Well, eventually they were over, and we were waiting for what seemed like 3 hours. It sounded like the transition music was Prince, excuse me that symbol, or whatever, I guess I don't have it on my keyboard ;-)
I was sure that Precious Things was going to be the opening song. And it was.
It was loud, and I guess it was wonderful, sure.
But through the whole concert, I didn't realize that it was happening. I tried to tell myself, "Okay, Elysia, Tori is actually here. She's actually here, singing, playing, at the exact second you are here listening and seeing her. Don't you realize this? What's wrong with you?"
I really don't understand. I thought I would be crying. You really don't understand. When I am alone at home by myself, listening to Tori, I get so emotionally involved, it becomes this sacred area for me, every song, and it's makes me so high and it's amazing what she can do to me. Even if I'm just on the computer and I'm reading someone else's review of a concert, I will cry and get so emotional. You don't understand how many times I have wanted so desperately to see her, to be where she is at that second, and be going through the same song journey as Tori is while she's playing it.
Maybe it was the crowd. I thought the audience that night was really bad. They were all stupid jerks, screaming and standing up, dancing really badly, especially these girls who were standing up infront of us. I hate girls. I hate them so much. They are so fucking stupid. And the girls at this concert were so incredibly dumb. There were some girls who were sitting next to me, and like, during the middle of the concert, they would get up and, like, go get some crap to eat!!! Can you believe that? Sick.
I had to go to the bathroom, actually, before Tori came out, but there was a long line, and also I was afraid that I would miss Tori. I would wait to go pee for Tori Amos! But as soon as she started, I forgot all about it and I didn't have to go.
I kept telling myself during the concert to appreciate it, because it would be over before I knew it. Which was true. That's true with everything. I was actually dreading going to the concert for the longest time, because I knew as soon as I was there, it would be over. I was right. Now it is.
Now, two days later, I'm trying to finally realize what actually happened.
I knew all the songs that came, I recognized them, but I couldn't believe what was happening. Maybe I was in denial, or maybe it was too much for me to take, and it was overwhelming, so my brain just ignored the whole thing. Then why did my heart have to? I didn't even have half as much as a reaction as when I do when I'm listening to her by myself. I thought for sure I would cry. I actually tried to make myself cry, but I couldn't. Nothing came out.
So.
Precious Things then God. At the beginning, I thought it was Sugar. It sounded a lot like it. This was really loud, and I didn't really have a reaction to it. I couldn't, I just...
I think at this moment she was talking about some guy with a weird name I've never heard of, and then about this really cool bug on her microphone, with buggy eyes. She described it's big eyes and was really excited about it. She said it blew her mind. It was so cute, she was saying in a funny accent "I don't know what you got in Kansas, but I ain't never seen nothing like this before."
i i e e e
I was a little glad she was playing this song, cause this was a song I didn't have any connection with. And I thought maybe it would make it so I would feel something with it. I'm not sure if it did. Tori did this cool dance to this song, sort of like a modified version of the old cornflake girl dance.
I can't stress enough how unreal this all was for me. I felt like I was just watching her on T.V. The whole time. She talked a lot in this concert too, but I couldn't realize it. I wasn't even excited she was talking. I felt no emotion. Maybe because it was too perfict. The sound, singing, everthing was p e r f i c t - too much for me to take.
Spark
At first, it sounded completely like nothing, and I had no idea what it was. Then I could tell it was Spark and I was disappointed. I actually said åwhy is she playing this?' I've heard it so many times.
After that song, maybe she introduced her band, but I'm not sure.
Cornflake Girl
This was done with the slow beginning. It was so beautiful. I had tried before to download a live version of the slow beginning, but it didn't work. Twice. So I know Fate wanted me to wait to hear it for real. I knew it was the slow beginning, but at the time I really couldn't comprehend it, what it meant..It went something like "she goes, and you bet your life she is, you bet your life she is, you bet your life..."
Little Earthquakes
I couldn't believe she was playing this song. This is one of the most meaningful, important songs for me, but I had no strong reaction when I realized she was playing it. Everything was just going by so fast. I still feel like it was a dream, and I'll wake up soon, and then go to the real concert. I've heard the message so many times "give me life, give me pain, give me myself again..." and it never had a more direct meaning than at that moment, when I want so much to feel something like how I've before, from the songs, from anything, but instead I was so numb, and never before in my life had I ever felt that way.
This was where Tori said she'd play somethings "just between you and me".
And I was thinking, yeah right, you and 7,000 other me's. She started to explain the inspiration for Hey Jupiter, that I had read before (on the Yahoo chat), and how she heard a voice, "And sometimes you think you're loosing you mind, you know..." There were some people yelling out "I love you!!!" and it was really funny, cause Tori went, like, "yeah, mwah," like, blowing them a kiss, but it was more in the way of flipping them off. I could tell she was getting annoyed, and was trying to tell her story. And some guys where yelling stuff again, and she was like, waving her hand, and going, "yeahyeahyeah", like, I've heard it all before. It was funny.
But she was telling us how this voice, of this person who wasn't living anymore, she followed him into the bathroom in the hotel, and she layed on the floor, and he sang her a song. But she couldn't remember it. So she would go to bed, every night, with one eye open, just hoping that she would remember that song. I guess she did ;-)
When she was playing it, I knew she was playing it especially for my friend. Cause she is going through exactly what that song is about, and I was thankful, but actually a little jealous. I was thinking, "Oh, so Tori got that picture from her, and through it she could tell that she needed that song, and I didn't get to give her my little thing, and now I don't get a song..." Which was selfish and dumb.
During Hey Jupiter, it was so sad, it even sounded like Tori was crying. I wanted to cry so bad, I felt like crying, I even tried to make myself cry, but I couldn't. And that made me angry. I didn't understand what was happening with me, that I couldn't feel any emotion during any of this.
Silent All These Years
This song means the most to me of all Tori's songs. And I was so grateful that she was playing it. Whenever I hear this song, I'm really sensitive about it, and I feel so much, but when she was playing it, I couldn't feel a thing. I was so angry, so so angry, that I was actually there, actually there at the same place with Tori, the exact second with her playing the exact song that meant the most of everything to me, and I couldn't feel a thing. It felt like nothing to me. And at one point, I looked up at the sky, looked at the stars, and I heard her singing, and it was "Sometimes I hear my voice, I hear my voice, and it's been here -- silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years. .."
I realized something at that moment, but I'm not sure if I knew what it really was until now. I was good, though, one song for me, one for my best friend.
Jackie's Strength
I was surprised she was playing this one. I don't remember it at all . I don't remember any reaction to it. I was angry, too.
Cruel
Tori was singing part of this with her hands behind her back, like they were tied. This song was so awesome and loud, with the guitar, and the synthesizer. And I kind of took it as, whoever in the universe made it so I was having a lousy time at the most important thing I knew in my life, was being cruel, and I had no idea why, but now I think I do, which I only realized now.
Space Dog
I didn't recognize this song until a little bit..All I could remember at that moment was I knew it was from Under the Pink.
It was loud. The piano parts were good, but again I didn't have a real emotional reaction to it, like I have in the past.
The Waitress
I knew she would play this. Towards the end of this song, she started singing, like "I believe she's the devil", and all of this...Thinking about it now, it was really scary, like toward the end when Tori was clutching the mike and breathing heavily into it, she looked so charged with anger and I don't know. But I didn't hardly react to it.
She waved goodbye, and came back again, and played
Caught A Lite Sneeze
I think this song, at the end, was the one where she started singing parts sounding like "Do it Again." This song means a lot to me, cause it's the one that brought me into Tori in the first place. But I don't remember hardly anything of the concert. I had no emotions. It's like remembering a dream. But even in my dreams I have emotions. I know I must have been dreaming, Even now I must be.
I don't remember. I have no say.
Raspberry Swirl
I was afraid she wasn't going to play this, and I was really happy when she did. I usually am really shy these days, and never dance, but this song was so strong, I was dancing and dancing, and gave up trying to see in my binoculars to just dance, it feels so unreal, like a dream. She left, came back, and then I knew this would be the last time she'd come back.
Merman
I had tried downloading Merman a while ago from the internet, but it wouldn't work. I realized she was playing it, but I had no reaction. The song had no meaning for me. I was so numb, I don't know why.
Pandora's Aquarium
The beginning of the song I thought was Sugar. It sounded exactly like it. I even started to write down Sugar. Only when she started singing "Pandora" did I know. The disco balls were a cool effect, and that's about all I can say on this. As we were getting up and walking away, I felt so angry, I didn't want to talk to my friend about the whole concert at all. We hardly spoke a word to each other about it even later.
I can't explain to you how blurred and run together this whole concert was for me. I wasn't on drugs or anything, but I swear I was dreaming. I thought this was going to be the most important and emotional night I had ever experienced, but it didn't turn out that way at all. And I was so angry.
But now I realized what happened.
Something really important took place in Kansas City, seeing Tori, and going to the concert. It had to turn out this way, and I don't think it could have come about any other way.
I've had a real problem being this involved with Tori, and this obsessed, this addicted. It doesn't matter that Tori isn't a chemical exactly, it works the same way.
Drugs are plants or minerals, whatever they are originally made from. They are pure and good, God made them in their natural form. But the abuse of them destroys your life and your control over yourself and your thoughts.
Tori is a wonderful person. She is amazing and a beautiful wise musician and human. There is nothing wrong with her herself. However, when I became so involved with it, I lost sight of my life. I lost my life, basically. Tori was the only real thing in my life that I had that gave me real pleasure, just like the drug addict. But it would only last as long as the song would last. The songs were a high for me. I got immune to the songs, I had to get more, and newer, and rare, live songs, striving for highs I had never felt before. Videos, books, pictures, it all fit together. The songs and the music were the main thing, however.
It was really wonderful in the beginning a couple of years ago(in the BFP era), when it was so new to me, and I was just discovering her and what it was all about. I've heard the same thing, how in the beginning, drugs are really exciting and new, but then after a while you start getting yourself in trouble.
Back then, when I was just finding out what and where the b-sides were, and interviews, etc., it was so new and beautiful. When I'd run into something new unexpectedly, it'd be a pleasant and wonderful surprise.
I knew no one else who listened to her, or if I did, I NEVER met anyone as involved with it as I was. I would always listen to her by myself; the songs were so beautiful and meaningful - everything related to me and how I was crucifying myself, how I felt, how I thought, how I loved my best friend too much, everything that was shitty and beautiful and scary and peaceful, all rolled into the songs, and it fit my life, and I found peace with Tori. For once.
I would think about going to her concerts constantly, dream about meeting her, dream about playing her piano. Tori was wonderful. She still is.
Eventually, it got to where I had all the songs, I knew too well where to find them, it wasn't as exciting or new anymore. But I still got that high from them; I still had to expand with my secret collection that I wouldn't show to anyone.
I was slowly giving up my living life, to immerse myself in Tori's world, to find peace in it, and I gave up putting my energy into the other life that didn't give me anything.
I would spend all my money on Tori stuff. That's all I would buy. I'd waste all my time downloading songs off the internet, all my friends in the Tori underground, on the web, at the concert, they were all my comrades, my equals. It's comparable to the camaraderie that fellow drug users feel with others of their kind in the drug scene.
But when I actually saw Tori, when she gave me that look, she knew what was happening. She zapped me. She cut my attachment to her. If everything had turned out perfectly, then I would become even more immersed in all this Tori business. But as it turned out, the concert made me realize how I was neglecting myself and my life, and trying to find it through something else. And now I realize, that I am going to make my life my life. Tori's wonderful and I promise I will never forget her. She's brought so much joy to my life and I thank her so much for that. I am glad that I discovered her, because in that time of my life, I needed her and the music. There was no other way.
The only other time I'd had such a shock was in July, I believe. I was so excited because Tori was going to sing Jackie's Strength on Letterman, and I was all set up to record it. And the second she came on I couldn't find the record button. I started screaming and crying hysterically, freaking out, my mom came in the room, and showed me the button. I missed half the show and all the interview part just being so upset. That night I was in the bathroom, crying my eyes out, and I looked at myself and asked "What's happened to you, Elysia?" I was so scared for myself. I was so upset, for such a stupid thing. At that moment I realized that I had to help myself somehow, but I didn't know how. So I slipped back, but never have cried or gotten that upset again. After the concert, I remembered that moment, and was wondering why I didn't even cry or freak out when she actually was there for real. I'm glad I didn't freak out, however. But I would have liked to feel at least something.
I came to the height of it all, the concert, seeing Tori perform live!, and I didn't feel a thing. Which made me realize that outside things will not save your life. You have to realize this eventually. Everything outside, all this physical world, is so temporary; everything goes so quickly. Nothing lasts. Don't put all your hope and dreams in it. The only thing that will last is Infinity itself, Truth, Divine Energy, God, whatever you want to call the sustaining Reality that created everything visible and invisible, that is itself.
To finally cut my ties to the one important thing I couldn't let go of the most, is the greatest achievement I've ever had. And Tori definitely had something to do with that. Although it's sort of a catch-22, the thing I needed to stop holding onto helped me let go, so I'm grateful and hold on more. But I won't. I swear, I don't have that bondage, that addiction to Tori like I did so strongly before. Instead I can be myself, own my life, be balanced, and not enslave myself, not crucify myself.
I guess I'm saying good-bye to this whole life style. Don't worry, I'm not saying that I don't like Tori or her words or her music or her beautiful face anymore. Absolutely not. I can't deny that. I will never be unappreciative of Tori or her music. I still plan on listening to her, and even buying the Jackie's Strength and Playboy Mommy singles. I'm not going cold turkey. But the fact is that something profound happened, and I came to realize how much stock I had put into it.
There is a point where the disciple has learned all he can from his guru, and must leave him behind. He will always remember and appreciate him and the knowledge, but part of the knowledge is you must go and find your real way. Don't become addicted to the knowledge. Use it, and move on.
Of all the things Tori has given me, above all I am grateful for her giving me the ability to rise up and move away from my addiction to her, and live my life, find joy and creativity through life as a whole, and not just through one single performer. I am so grateful. Thank you, Tori. I will forever love you.
"When I was dreaming, it seemed my world went away, as you were leaving, I could see that I couldn't find what I used to in your eyes. . .
Isn't it time?
Maybe it's time, yeah. . ."
-t.a.
From Chris (posted to the rec.music.tori-amos newsgroup)
September 3, 1998 - We showed up about 1/2 hour before the show and lucked into some great COMP tickets.. 2nd Row, Center *YES* we were right on top of the
action..
The show itself was very good, the outdoors environment gave it a kind
of crisp summer air feel that I really enjoyed. I don't have the set
list in front of me, though I do have a set list story/post seperate
of this one(1)
The first thing I'll say is that there were -THREE- Extra people on
stage, extra precussionists, that really put an extra "oomph" into
"Precious Things" that really paid off, it was one of the best moments
of the night.
Also, tori did something she hasn't done much of this tour.. STORIES!
We got an excellent story to accompany "Hey Jupiter" that explained
it's creations.. an elongated story of a stay at the Four Seasons..
she had curled up on a bathroom floor (marble) and had "laid down like
your going to throw up your guts" and heard "someone long gone from
the planet" sing her a song, and four years later, the lyrics to Hey
Jupiter were there (this is a very abbreviated version) anyway, it was
fantastic.. also good was a short tale about the bugs she had
encounted in outside shows..
Now, some may have heard about it, but she wasn't kidding.. from where
we were sitting, during the second numbers, a large, flying beetle
landed on her microphone and just sat there.. it'd flitter and then
land right back.. it was very unusual :)
Anyway, those are the things that made the KC show great.
From JB Bridge (posted to the rec.music.tori-amos newsgroup)
August 31, 1998 - a few observations on Friday night's show in Kansas City (since most has been covered already).
The one thing that really hit me right between the eyes: during the
improv part in "Iieee", Tori, in her most biting voice and expression,
sang out, "You took away my little girl!" I'm sure that was a message
to god (a.k.a. the ice cream assassain). I almost lost it when she
sang that, and I feel that she is really beginning to find the voice
and the strength to express and to deal with the loss of the baby.
if i'm not mistaken, there were THREE additional percussion players
with Matt during "Precious Things". From what I can gather, they're
either friends of Matt's or they're local (KC) players.
in a way, this was a much sadder show than St. Louis two days before,
and in many ways the more intimate. we got "Hey Jupiter", which I
don't think has been played much, and also "Merman" which she did by
herself at the second encore.
I did have a ticket in the plaza section (row y), but after Chris &
Natasha walked up to the box office and got front row, I rushed over
to see what comp tix they had left and got box seating - row A just
left of center. I was ten rows from the stage, and the best part was
that I had an aisle right in front of me that was a direct
line-of-sight between me and Tori! so I ended up close to the stage
again, and I was able to sit down and stare at her (often with my
binoculars) and enjoy the show. I did stand at various times -
especially to see Jon rip into "Cruel" (the only song I barely watched
Tori - as a fellow bass player, I was too enthrawed with the bass
playing!)
From Jonathan Lee (Posted to the ToriNews mailing list)
August 30, 1998 - The show was great (duh!) and the sound quality (as usual with Tori's
shows) was excellent. God included the "You dropped a Bomb on Me"
interlude. Starlight Theatre is outdoors. At the end of Spark, Tori
asked if anyone else had seen the bug on her microphone. She said it
was a really big bug - she seemed freaked out for a minute. She said
hello Kansas and a few people around me said it was Missouri. Before
she did Hey Jupiter she talked about how the song came to her. I can't
remember _exactly_ what she said, but it was something like: We were
staying in a hotel, we do a lot of that, and I was lying in bed and a
singer who I listen to all the time and who's dead now, started singing
to me. I went into the bathroom, nice bathroom, thank you 4 seasons,
and layed my head down like when you've had too much to drink, only he
was singing and I swear to Christ he sang this song to me top to tail.
I tried to remember as much as I could but I couldn't remember it all.
I started sleeping with one eye open hoping he'd come back and sing it
to me again. It took a whole year, but I remembered it all. (Any idea
who "he" might be? pls don't respond to the list, just wondering out
loud.) It was a very different show from what I've experienced in the
past, so if you haven't been yet expect a different sort of feeling.
That's not to say I was disappointed. I wasn't. Different is not bad.
It was great to see Tori happy, and not feel concerned for her physical
and emotional well being at the end of a show (the Dallas Pele show is
what I'm thinking of because it was so intense). The band sounded
great. I'll post a report on the Norman show tomorrow.
I forgot to mention a detail about the KC show in my last post. There
were 3 extra percussionists on stage during Precious Things and one of
them came back during Raspberry Swirl. I think they were local
musicians because Tori mentioned something about meeting them at the
Alligator Lady's house that day.
August 30, 1998 - I am completely amazed at the talent that Tori Amos has. The KC show on August 28th was my first Tori show, and it the most fascinating
thing that I have ever been to. When tickets originally went on sale,
I was upset that I didn't get really good seats. The ones that I
bought were average, in the middle to the far left of the stage. That
all changed at the Meet and Greet, thanks to a wonderful EWF named
Michael. Michael sold me (at cost) two tickets, tenth row, just to
the center of the stage. I ended up giving away my tickets for free
to two girls who were sitting way in the back. My friend also had
some extra tickets that were excellent seats (like 15th row). I ended
up giving those to two girls, also for free, so that they could have
better seats. Hope they liked them! :)
Moving on to the show:
Meet and Greet - My friend and I arrived at the venue at 2:30, and
found a group of about 30 people that were waiting for her to arrive.
Tori pulled up around 4:00, to a group of about 40 people. She was
wearing overalls and with army boots. I was kind of upset that some
of the EWF that had been to a thousand shows did not get out of the
way so that others could meet Tori. Earlier, they told everyone that
they would move so that everyone had a chance, but when the time came,
NO ONE moved. I somehow managed to grab Tori's hand, and asked her to
sign my Winter sheet music. She asked me my name, and told me "Hello
Jennifer!" and handed me back my sheet music, with my name at the top,
and her signature at the bottom. She moved on, only staying for about
10 - 15 minutes. She really only talked to the people she knew, which
upset several people that did not get the chance to talk to her.
The show.
Here's the set list:
Precious Things
God
i i e e e
Spark
* b a n d i n t r o d u c t i o n*
Cornflake Girl
Little Earthquakes
* b a n d l e a v e s s t a g e*
Tori mentions that this next song came to her while staying at a
hotel. (May not be the exact quote) "Something appeared at the foot
of the bed, and sang the song to me. I followed him into the
bathroom, and layed my head down on the cold marble floor, like what
you do when you are puking your guts out (that's why hotels have
marble floors, you know, and the bathroom at the Four Seasons is the
best *blows a kiss*) anyways, I followed him into the bathroom, and
when I tried to write the song down, I couldn't remember it!"
Hey Jupiter
Silent All These Years
* b a n d r e t u r n s *
Jackie's Strength
Cruel
Space Dog
The Waitress
* e n c o r e o n e *
Caught a Lite Sneeze
Raspberry Swirl
* e n c o r e t w o *
Merman
Pandora's Aquarium
Tori was wearing black pants with the infamous off-the-shoulder black
top and silver apron dress.
It was so nice meeting so many wonderful EWF! Write me!
From Python King
August 29, 1998 - The "Hey Jupiter" story goes something like this:
TORI: But anyway, um, this song came in a funny way and I was in some hotel
like, like we always are. And, um, I heard this voice. . .
GIRLS IN AUDIENCE: We love you Tori!!
TORI: . . yeah, mmm-a (making a sarcastic kissing noise, everyone cheers) . .
. and uh, I heard this sound. I heard this voice at the bottom of the bed and
you know you think you're loosing your mind sometimes. And you go, uh, "Wait a
second. . "
GUY IN AUDIENCE: Thank you, Tori!!!
TORI: . . yeah, yeah, yeah and so you look and you go, um, "I know this isn't
coming from me and I recognize his voice. I listened to his records over and
over and over again." And he's dead, he's not on the planet anymore. And I
heard this voice coming to me and I followed him into the bathroom of all
places. I was a very good bathroom, ya know, Four Seasons, mmm-a (another kiss
noise, everyone cheers). So anyway, I went in and, um, I went into this
bathroom and I curled up on the floor and I put my head (makes a "resting head
on her hands" motion) . . it's the only time I've ever done it except when
you're, ya know, puking your guts out and you (??)put your head in the
sink(??) -and you know why these places put marble in their bathrooms- but I
was curled up and I let him sing this song to me and I swear to Christ he sang
it (??)tom-te-tao(??) and I just sat there and I tried to remember it and I
couldn't remember it. And it took me a year to remember. I would sleep every
night with one eye open just hoping I could remember what he sang to me in my
head. (Starts in on "Hey Jupiter")
At the meet'n'greet, she said she would give everyone 24 hours to think it
over before she said who it was and I'm going to the Norman show tonight which
i will also tape so we'll see what shows up. Then she later during the
meet'n'greet said, I think, that it was John Lennon she was talking about.
Other setlist comments -
Precious Things
God
iieee
Spark
Improvisation ("You go, girl") / Cornflake Girl
Little Earthqukes (interestingly different)
Hey Jupiter
Silent All These Years
Jackie's Strength
Cruel
Space Dog
The Waitress
~1st ENCORE~
Caught A lite Sneeze ( I really love the new version of this)
Raspberry Swirl (i think she belted out a couple "B - l - u - u - e - S - k -
i - i - i -e - s" toward the end of the song.)
~2nd ENCORE~
Merman
Pandora's Aquarium (very nice, wonderful lights)
"Hey Jupiter" was definatley the highlight of the night: crystal clear and
beautiful. "Silent All These Years" and "Merman" were bringing back the
intimacy of some lovely DDI / UtP / LE tour memories. And, of course, the ever
charming Caton was doing his full on Elvis again during "Cornflake Girl".
*INCREDIBLE* venue, they had two towers on either sides of the stage that
would catch Tori's shadow or a textured light at points. Other memorable
moments, a blue bug landed on the microphone during a song which Tori said "I
don't know what you got down here in Kansas but you boys ain't got nothin like
this thing." Hmm . .I'm not going to do an interpretation of this ;-).
My complaint was the aftershow meet'n'greet. Everyone was a little bit on the
tense side. I got my moment w/ Tori but plenty of anxious people weren't quite
so lucky. I tried to snap a few photos. We'll see how they turn out.
From Bryan Penberthy
August 29, 1998 - I won't bother with the set list since you've already posted it, but there were a few things about the show that I thought I'd report.
First of all, the Devlins put on a nice show. The audience around me
thought they were really good, but the general audience reaction was
pretty subdued. Part of the reason I mention this is because of what
happened next:
What is the point of having an opening band to warm the crowd up if you're
not going to perform for another 45 minutes? The gap was way too long, and
since the show was outdoors the lights attracted hordes of bugs that ate
us alive. Anyway, the break was far too long.
Since I'm complaining, what's up with the concert shirts selling for $27
anyway? I don't think that the shirt should cost more than the show. Sigh
-- marks the second Tori show I've seen that I didn't get a shirt because
of the price. I don't care if it's the first time you've seen her, or if
you only see one show a year -- $27 is too high.
But for the good points...my god what a show! First of all, the venue was
amazing -- looked like a castle courtyard, and looking up to see the stars
while Tori sang was breathtaking. The songs were flawless as well, to the
extent that I now love some of the songs that I didn't care for before.
All of my favorites showed up this time around -- especially the solo
piano on Jupiter. Transcendant.
Since the other writers covered the rest of the show, I suppose I'll shut
up now. The full band experience far exceeded my expectations, and I'm
really looking forward to hearing what Tori puts out next (since a live
album has been rumored, I'm even more excited -- I'd love to have a
recording of this show).
From susan luther
August 29, 1998 - i was at the show and it was my first ever. i loved it. i was in awe of the beautiful tori. she had some of the best lighting i have ever seen. i will
never miss a concert again as long as i live!!!!!! my car broke down on the
highway (we had to go back and get a friend's car!) and we got lost (i'm from
topeka), but we still got there 15 - 30 minutes before she went on!!!!! so i
think that something really terrible would have to happen before i miss her!!!
and next time i will meet her.
this brings me to another point. at the meet and greet after the concert a
lot of people could have gotten a hug from her, but the people that had
already got their hugs and signatures wouldn't move after they had done so.
this was really upsetting to all of us who were just 5 feet from her. so i
just hope that people read this and move their feet after they have gotten the
honor that we all want!!! [Note from Mikewhy: Tori's security tells the people up front not to move out of the way but to stay there. They do that to maintain control and to keep things from getting out of hand.]
i believe before the story before 'hey jupiter' got reported kinda wrong. she
said she laid down on the marble floor and listened to the song that was being
sang for her. she said she laid there like when you were "puking your guts
out", but she wasn't sick at the time. i'm pretty sure any way......
From Matt Page
August 29, 1998 - Matt called and said it was a great show tonight. The songs she played varied a little from the official/written set list. On the written set list she was supposed to perform Cloud On My Tongue and Frog On My Toe instead of Hey Jupiter and SATY. She was also supposed to end the show with Black-Dove (January) instead of Pandora's Aquarium. During Precious Things and at least one other song drummer Matt Chamberlain was joined on stage by 2 of his friends, which means that 3 people were playing percussion for those songs! Tori told a long story before "Hey Jupiter" where she revealed that a deceased male singer sang Hey Jupiter to her while she was on the bathroom floor. At the post show meet & greet she revealed that singer to be John Lennon!
From Jo Wagner
August 29, 1998 - Ok, the actual set list is as follows:
Precious Things
God
iieee
Spark
Cornflake Girl
Little Earthqukes
Hey Jupiter (solo) (had a really nice story about how she wrote the song
after hearing voices in a Four Seasons hotel)
Silent All These Years (solo)
Jackie's Strength
Cruel
Space Dog
The Waitress
***1st encore
Caught A lite Sneeze
Raspberry Swirl
***2nd encore
Merman
Pandora's Aquarium
I managed to get the copy of the set list from the very nice sound guy.
It was supposed to go like this:
Cloud on My tongue instead of Hey Jupiter, Frog on my Toe instead of
Silent All these Years, and Black Dove instead of Pandora's Aquarium.
It was a great show, the weather was awesome, and I would like to give
my life to the nice woman who approached my friend and I before the show
and handed us 2 tickets that were very close to the stage. The new
seats were a thousand times better than our old ones. THANK YOU! =)
|
